Grace in Giving

 There are times I feel unworthy of blessings, and a few days ago was one such day.

I went to visit a family member in the Matt Mobile. On exiting the car, I saw one of her neighbours. In the past, he has asked for help financially and I assisted. I had in the back of my mind that once again, he may be asking for money. I did chat with him for a little, but then made my way to visit my family. On the way back down, he was now seated, and I suspect was waiting for my return. I hurriedly spoke with him again, wished him well, and was on my way. 

I confess I sensed that he wanted to ask for help. But instead of seeking God for wisdom, I allowed fear to rule. I told myself I was hurrying to get back home before the rains pelted us again. Except that was not the real reason.

I discovered how bad the need of the gentleman was when my family mentioned it to me later in the day. He went to them asking for food because he had nothing and often goes days without something to eat. What's worse, he also had lost his electricity a few months ago because he could not afford to pay.

Backtrack a few days before that. A colleague of mine sent me a message - he has a very rare kind of cancer, stage 4 no less. He was now desparate for help and reached out. I prayed over it, and made a contribution to his recovery. I also shared with a few others his need so they too could help if they could.

Two situations with people in need; two different reactions from the same person. I felt horrible for the version of me that responded with inherent dismissal. I know that having Matt means more expenses and part of me was hesitant to be faced with finding funds to give away when there is a shorter supply. But truth be told, God has provided for me in ways I could not have imagined. I should have therefore been in a posture to reciprocate and give in faith. 

I failed the test. But, I determined to do better. So I asked my family to give him money and to add a few extra items on the next shopping list for him. I went further to see if there is a programme that could restore his electricity gratis, but this is a work in progress. 

These two instances showed my heart. I am so grateful that grace abounds, because it means I can actively grow from this experience. I know that giving requires wisdom, because sometimes giving can be deadly to the receiver. I am therefore not striving to always give to all who ask. But I hope that next time, when the Spirit prompts and nudges, I will be obedient.


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