What's in a Touch?
Growing up as a very shy, reserved person, touching anyone - handshakes, hugs, and worse, kisses - was restricted to those who were closest to me (ie, family). Even then, I was not very affectionate...just enough. For a long time I was a daddy's girl, so wherever I went with him, I'm under his arm like a man-bag. Grandma was a different story. I can't recall her being a "chummy" person, but I enjoyed her presence and going places with her. So here are two different persons who were a part of my childhood who interacted with me differently...and yet, I knew without a doubt that I was loved by them both. And I certainly loved them in return. I therefore knew it was possible to feel loved not just by touch but also in how one relates to another.
Fast forward a few years later. Yours truly has grown up and changed a bit. I'm a lot more affectionate than I was as a child. On doing a self-evaluation, it is attributed to a few things:
1) People are not so scary to be around. That's another way of saying that I felt more comfortable around people in general.
2) More confident and comfortable with me. I had a lot of self-esteem issues growing up (still shaking some of them), and that had a lot to do with how I saw myself around people.
3) Learning to love. The more I learn about who I am supposed to be in life (and in God), the more I try to love. While I believe it helps to smile and be genuinely pleasant and happy around people, it always helps to give a hug or handshake as well.
All that being said, I find myself being more physical in my interactions. I give hugs to strangers, particularly on special occasions such as Mother's Day. I give cheek kisses to friends and family to say good-to-see-you or see-you-soon or love-ya. I hug (short, medium, long) to show I am happy to see you or I'm here for you or whatever is needed of me.
But here's the catch (if you will). i) when do I pull back to respect lines/boundaries? ii) will I give a wrong impression in being friendly in this way? iii) is it possible for someone to assume I'm being judgmental/stand-offish in not being affectionate as I do not see it as appropriate (for whatever reason)? Every once in a while I find myself feeling like I made wrong decisions, and sometimes determine to make better decisions. Seems it's easier said than done.
What's in a touch? For me, it's love. I touch to say hello or good-bye, comfort, bring a smile, wish you a good day/week/month, make your day...heck, make my day! But I do want to respect personal space conscious of personality-types and closeness and hope that my own will also be respected. I'm learning how to be this newer me. One can only hope that at the end of the day, a touch will be seen for what it is, not what it's not; or that I will make the right decisions.
Fast forward a few years later. Yours truly has grown up and changed a bit. I'm a lot more affectionate than I was as a child. On doing a self-evaluation, it is attributed to a few things:
1) People are not so scary to be around. That's another way of saying that I felt more comfortable around people in general.
2) More confident and comfortable with me. I had a lot of self-esteem issues growing up (still shaking some of them), and that had a lot to do with how I saw myself around people.
3) Learning to love. The more I learn about who I am supposed to be in life (and in God), the more I try to love. While I believe it helps to smile and be genuinely pleasant and happy around people, it always helps to give a hug or handshake as well.
All that being said, I find myself being more physical in my interactions. I give hugs to strangers, particularly on special occasions such as Mother's Day. I give cheek kisses to friends and family to say good-to-see-you or see-you-soon or love-ya. I hug (short, medium, long) to show I am happy to see you or I'm here for you or whatever is needed of me.
But here's the catch (if you will). i) when do I pull back to respect lines/boundaries? ii) will I give a wrong impression in being friendly in this way? iii) is it possible for someone to assume I'm being judgmental/stand-offish in not being affectionate as I do not see it as appropriate (for whatever reason)? Every once in a while I find myself feeling like I made wrong decisions, and sometimes determine to make better decisions. Seems it's easier said than done.
What's in a touch? For me, it's love. I touch to say hello or good-bye, comfort, bring a smile, wish you a good day/week/month, make your day...heck, make my day! But I do want to respect personal space conscious of personality-types and closeness and hope that my own will also be respected. I'm learning how to be this newer me. One can only hope that at the end of the day, a touch will be seen for what it is, not what it's not; or that I will make the right decisions.
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